Traits That Matter

Kindness, intelligence, attractiveness. Wonderful things to have. That’s all a given though. Treat others how you want to be treated, study and learn skills, keep yourself physically presentable. Simple.

Not interesting.

Humility

Have you seen War Games? The real one, the one from the 80’s? It’s one of my favorite movies of all time, if you haven’t seen it, you owe it to yourself to give it a look. Anyway, in it there’s a brilliant computer programmer who has designed the ultimate form of artificial intelligence. A system that learns from its experiences. He creates a computer that plays games against people and develops its skill as it does so.

Quite an achievement, to be sure. But, the scientist laments that he never was able to get his system to learn the most important lesson of all; that of humility, that sometimes the only correct move is not to play.

One of the leading characters is puzzled by this, how could such a trait be positive? She asks for a further explanation. The scientist continues by asking her if she plays Tic-Tac-Toe. She, like any adult, answers no, because it’s a dumb game that always ends in a tie.

Exactly! Answers the professor.

Do you back down? How often? Are you always right?

We all think we’re right most of the time. When people get into arguments and debates, they both think they’re right. And even when the argument ends, they most likely still maintain that they're right. 

Can they both be right?

Of course not. But they'll damn well stand up, pound on their chests, and fight over their opinions.

There is a wonderful, beautiful, and empowering thing in shutting the fuck up on occasion and asking yourself “could I be wrong here?” Or, be even stronger and internalize! Say to yourself “I’m wrong here. Now how does that inform my present?”

If you’re always right, you’ll never learn anything, you’ll never improve, and then you’ll eventually always be wrong as the rest of the world surpasses you.

As a side note, do you really think you’ll be impressing anyone by being right when they’re wrong? While being right is valid, and you should be right when you are right… it can oftentimes lead to resentment. 

So when you’re caught, and you're wrong, and you realize it, try admitting defeat. The phrase “you know, maybe you’re right” simply isn’t something people are used to hearing. You'll be amazed at the faces you'll see when someone hears you say something like that.

Gratitude

God damn are you lucky. Yes you. How can I know you’re lucky? Maybe you are literally in last place of the power rankings of humanity. You’re still lucky.

We exist.

That’s already a miracle.

We are the product of millions of year of development. We are a sentient species that creates beauty just for the sake of it. You can read this, you are therefore a member of this species.

Can you really ask for much more?

Yeah, there are people who are more successful than you. And maybe those people are worse than you and maybe they don’t deserve what they have.

So what? You’re HERE. You’re living on one of the only habitable planets that we are aware of throughout millions and millions of square miles. A planet, by the way, that is spinning through space that you magically are stuck to. You aren’t being hunted, and you can cook anything you want to in a matter of minutes in a microwave.

If you’re reading this, you’ve got it good.

Be grateful for everything, because it’s all a damn miracle.

On a smaller scale; think about the one person you’re closest to, the one person who has your back and would take a bullet for you. Maybe you’re lucky enough to have more than one of those sorts of people, I know I do.

Take the time to tell those people that you love them. If that’s uncomfortable for you, find another way.

If you can’t remember the last time you’ve done something like that for those people, it’s been too long.

Grit

We aren’t defined by our successes. Successes propel us but they don’t have nearly as much to do with our character as our failures.

How do you get back up when you fall, or are faced with seemingly insurmountable difficulty or tragedy?

There are two ways to handle these situations. Own them, or be owned by them.

To be owned by them is to make yourself a victim. Being a victim is a choice. Horrible and tragic things may happen to you, but how you choose to define yourself in the face of such things is for you to decide. If you decide to be a victim you will likely find plenty of sympathy form your peers, and the expectations set upon you as a person will be lowered.

Is that what you want?

I don’t believe in victims, I believe in people. People are amazing, and every day I see someone surprise me with how they have chosen to handle an adverse situation.

Now, everyone’s scale is different. What may be 10 on my “Horrible Event Meter” may be a 3 on yours. 

When I say that football camp in the hot summer sun may have been one of the harder things I’ve ever had to deal with, I mean it. And because I have generally had a very positive life, it’s fair to say that my 10 is probably far less punchy than most.

Oh well, I got lucky. I have seen some tough situations though, some things I’d rather not get into here but would be happy to talk about with anyone who is curious. But I have had opportunities to label myself a victim.

Some suggest that the title of victim be modified to that of survivor.

I say fuck that.

Don’t include any title at all.

You’re a person, nothing can change that. You, with all of your strength, beauty, and imperfections comprise a person and regardless of what life throws at you, you can represent yourself in accordance to your own wishes.

Fail a test? Don’t be a failure. Study harder.

Lose a job? Don’t call your boss a dick. Take a look in the mirror and ask yourself why it happened.

Own your shit, or be owned by it.

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I make no claim to own these traits myself. I am working on them however. Consider them, if you wish.